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‘I’m leaving now, I wanted to say bye, and I want you to know I meant what I said last night, I can not come back anymore.’ He replied–a simple reply– ‘OK.’ I babbled for a while, asking if I had anything of his to return and vice versa because I did not want to have to return to this place. I looked at him for a moment and stared at this man who I loved with a passion deeper than even I realize sometimes and asked ‘Would you like a hug before I go?’ Stupid of me, I love self-loathing and being masochistic, I had to if I wanted to feel this heart wrenching pain. ‘Yes’ another simple reply, I walked over to the bed and he opened his arms and I hugged him. After just milliseconds, I let go it hurt so much. I said goodbye again and asked if he wanted the divider closed, ‘Yes’ Lovely, another simple reply. I shut the divider and started grabbing my stuff, it was time to leave. I thought quietly for a minute running through so many emotions: pain, gratification– there was more paroxysms. I could tell.She had learned to act the part well enough to be released back to society, although she dropped the pious part of the act just as soon as she had escaped the fanatical clutches of the Sisters of Penance. Her ‘Acting’ was actually great self-control driven by an iron will.She was Amoral, not seeing how the fabric of society was held together by laws and manners and shared values and standards of behavior. With her permission, I tried the entrancer on her, telling her good behavior was important to me. She laughed and told me it wasn’t to her, but making me happy was, so she would try. It seems she was immune to the effects of the entrancer also. I wonder if I would care as much about good behavior and keeping my word if it had not been for Bull’s example and love.We got married as soon as decorum permitted, as our time together was otherwise limited by social mores. She loved ‘The Duchess’ and I told her about the Remittance Annual explaining that logically it was too.
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